Writer's block

I want to write something today. I can feel all these things pulling at my insides. But I got nothin'.

I hate writer's block. I don't know what it's like for other writers but for me, talking and writing it out is how I learn. It's how I process. I feel so much better when I get it out, even if it changes nothing. If it helps people, awesome. But I mostly do this writing for me. It's cathartic. But there is so much going on in my head and heart right now that it's too jumbled up for me to make sense of.

This is a victory in and of itself... cuz in the past, I HATED this feeling, and I did just about anything that's not good to avoid it. There are issues I am chewing on--relationships, information, decisions I need to make--and I can literally FEEL IT all swirling around in my head.

Of course, when the clarity comes, so does the pain. Which is why the words I write salve the wound. And I know there is pain coming. BIG pain.

But I won't run from it. I'll face it, process and deal, then move on. I won't let it consume, destroy or turn my brain to mush. Ever again.

So all I can say for today is, I've come that far. I'm not afraid anymore.

That's something.