Step 2

If you have ever done any remodeling in your home, you know what a project it can be. I remember when I tore down the wallpaper in the dining room (it looked like something straight out of a funeral parlor *shudder*). After I got it all down, I was tired and ready to quit! But it looked horrific, even though it was clean; I had to finish it out... I mudded it and painted it. Hung some curtains. Added back in the table and chairs. I had to finish doing the work. It wasn't enough to just take down the ugly wallpaper; I had to put something stylish and beautiful in its place.

This is true in our lives as well; it's not enough to walk away from your past. You have remove all the gunk and replace it with good and positive things. Or you will end up with twice as much work and mess as when you started.

"When the evil spirit has gone out of a man, he passes through arid places seeking rest; and finding none he says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' And when he comes he finds it swept and put in order. Then he goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first." (Luke 11:26)

This Bible verse tells us that it's not enough to just clear your life, your heart and your mind of old and bad things; you must replace them with good things. You have to fill up those places left empty by the cleaning or risk having it be worse than when you started. Don't know about you but that sounds like it would really SUCK to me.

This is from "Serenity," and it's really helping me today.

STEP 2
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

The Step 2 phrase "came to believe" suggests a process and a progression of faith that evolves over time. A portion of A.A.'s oral tradition defines this as a three-part unfolding: First, we came, that is, we showed up and stumbled in the door. Second, we came to, that is, we sobered up, came to our senses and began to experience emotional sobriety. Third, we came to believe. We began our real recovery process and our spiritual growth. This style of spiritual growth closely parallels the strong Christian tradition that each person must come to an individual knowledge of God.

Step 2 is a logical outgrowth of Step 1 (powerlessness) because, if in Step 1, we have admitted our own powerlessness, then the next step is to seek a new source of strength or power to take charge for us and to make us sane (well and whole). For some people, spiritual conversion is dramatic as it was for the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus (Acts 9). For most, however, it is very gradual. As one grows and matures emotionally, one also grows spiritually.

Before we can welcome in a new Power to restore us to wellness, we will probably have to engage in some emotional and spiritual "housecleaning:":

• We must bring into abstinence or balance all the addictive agents through which we have sought to meet our deepest needs. Money, sex, career, chemicals, anything and everything about which we have become excessive, must be put into proper perspective--not lifted onto a pedestal to be worshiped.
  
• We must transcend the god of reason if we have been worshiping God through an exclusively intellectual approach.
  
• We must renounce the tendency to play God ourselves. We must grow beyond selfishness, narcissism and grandiosity.
• We must also renounce putting other people or human institutions in the roles of gods.

Not only must we be rid of false gods, if we are looking to the Judeo-Christian God as our Higher Power, but we may also need to overcome old sources of bitterness toward Him:

• We may have identified God with an abusive parent.
  
• We may have had negative experiences with the church (hypocrisy, bigotry, condemnation).
• We may be struggling with a sense that God has failed us--that He has allowed us to become codependent.
  
• We may be angry that God has not instantaneously healed us of our addictive illnesses.
  

As we commit ourselves to a lifetime of recovery, our starting point may be our recovery literature. And that literature makes a valuable contribution toward the opening of spiritual doors. But if we really want to fill the void, if we really want to break down the barriers hindering our progress, we need to turn to the ultimate source of God's Word and discover what the Scriptures have to tell us. By exploring the Bible, we will learn more about God, we will draw closer to Him and we will discover more about His will for us.

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For me, today, this speaks loud and clear... it reminds me that I've spent too much time lately on people and pursuits that don't ultimately draw me closer to where I want to be. I can't let up for ONE MOMENT on filling my time with things and people that matter because the very second I do, those demons, those habits, all those things that kept me from this freedom for SO LONG are just waiting to make the last state of me worse than the first.

I've come too far; I'll be damned if I let that happen! I honestly don't know how people can do this without the Lord. Recovery isn't for cowards! If it sounds like a lot of work... well, it is. But it's the most rewarding thing you can do, for yourself and those you claim to love.