The Unrecovered's Prayer

The Lord is my shepherd;

yet I am still in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

from which I constantly run.

He leads me beside quiet waters which leave me feeling uncomfortable,

for I prefer the noise of dangerous waters.

He restores my soul, which I continually damage with wrong choices.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake;

yet I'd rather take my own path of self-righteousness for my name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death by my own choosing,

I fear everything,

for though you are with me,

I do not trust you.

Your rod and your staff, they frustrate me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,

and I am too busy in the kitchen to sit down.

You anoint my head with oil, and I'm concerned with how I look.

My cup overflows, and I am anxious if there will be enough for tomorrow.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,

and that's hard for me to accept.

I believe that dwelling in Your house forever

is for those who are more worthy than I.

Dear Lord, please help, for I am a mess!

Eli Machen

Life Matters

A VERY dear and wonderful friend of mine lost a close friend last week to cancer. My friend had basically been her friend's main caregiver for the last few years, but the activity kicked up about 10 notches in the last 6 months following the doctor's fatal diagnosis. "I'm sorry, there is nothing else we can do for you except to make you comfortable," are words no one wants to hear.

As you can imagine, my friend spent a great deal of time just talking to her sick friend about all kinds of things, and I know how difficult it was during this time. Yet she was incredibly brave and strong for her friend. And when she finally went Home, my friend handled everything like the champ she is. 

The following is an excerpt of writing by Michael Josephson. My friend chose this as one of the pieces that was read aloud at her friend's funeral, and she sent it to me today.

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and power will shrivel. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustration and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. In the end, it won’t matter where you came from or on what side of the tracks you lived. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your gender and skin color will not be relevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not your success but your significance that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what. 

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.

I shared the above piece of writing with you because a) it's really well-put and b) because I, too, attended a funeral this week (the grandmother of a coworker). As I sat during the eulogy service for this woman, I was awed by how many lives she had touched. So when I read the above excerpt from my friend, the words really stood out to me as I recalled listening just yesterday to how one woman lived her life in the exact way Josephson describes. Her life MATTERED. The evidence was in every laugh, every memory, every story shared by the people she personally touched. And not one single word spoken had anything to do with money or position or material things. All of these memories had to do with her sense of humor, her wit, her faith in the Lord and how she consistently asked about others and how they were doing in spite of how bad she was feeling.

I had never even heard this woman's name prior to attending her funeral. Yet the way she lived her life monumentally and directly impacted mine! Because she consciously chose to live in a way that MATTERED, she raised her children and grandchildren to live the same way. They grew up being taught how to live a life that matters, and as a result emulated her example, both personally and professionally. Because of this sweet lady, I (a total stranger) have a wonderful job working for a very cool boss who hires people and manages his team (MY team) according to this philosophy. So I sat there in the back of the service and said a little Thank You prayer to God for this woman whom I did not know but whose life had so clearly touched my own. She is greatly missed by those who did know her. Yet, like ripples moving across the water, she will live on through how those folks live because of the impact she had on them. And now she'll live on through me as well. 

The friend who sent Josephson's excerpt to me also lives this way. In fact, God has surrounded me with incredible people who all try and do this to some degree. My past is filled with time wasted on things that no longer matter, and I can't do anything about that. But what I CAN do is consciously choose to matter today.

If I can just do a mere fraction of what this woman, my precious friend and countless others God has placed in my path have done, then I will truly have lived a life that MATTERED... which it can only do as long as it glorifies Christ and makes a difference to others.

Who will remember you, and why? Choose to live a life that MATTERS! 
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dear Lord, I pray for myself and for every person who reads this to give up and let go of all the little things we hold onto that, in the end, don't enrich our lives or help anyone. I pray that our eyes will be opened to the fact that every single thing we say or do resonates some sort of eternal chord. Whether or not that sound is cacophony or a sweet melody will come down to the decision we make about what really and truly MATTERS. It is my prayer that we will all come to the knowledge that nothing matters more than our relationship with YOU and whether or not we exhibited You to others by how we lived. Amen.

Rain

Courtesy of my friend Rachel.

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in WalMart. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful, red-haired, freckle-faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there, under the awning, just inside the door of the WalMart. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, "Mom let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mom asked. "Let's run through the rain!" she repeated. "No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied. This young child waited a minute and repeated: "Mom, let's run through the rain." "We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said. "No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm. "This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?" 

The little girl said, "Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, He can get us through anything!'"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent... I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain... We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just need washing," Mom said. Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked. They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. 

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories... So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

+++++++++++++++++

This makes me glad for all the times my children and I have played in the rain.

Unlearning

You might not know it to look at me, but I'm kind of a nerd. I love to learn. I am a serious bookworm and have a voracious appetite for books, poetry and great music. I used to read the dictionary and make up games to use the words I had learned (true story). I still do this to some extent, just in a more modern way. The most frequently used app on my iPhone isn't Facebook or ESPN Scorecenter—it's Dictionary.com! I love to learn new things, entertain new concepts, foster new ideas, etc. I HEART my Thesarus! It's not just about the words, though. Basically I just love a really good story.

But that's just me. People are as individual as snowflakes when it comes to personal interests. But whatever those may be, I've come to realize that we are in a constant state of learning. Everywhere, all the time. Whether you are even aware of it or not, it's happening. (Kinda like gravity, yeah?) This is more true today than ever before, since we live in a world where we're bombarded with information. Our brains are like little computers that are perpetually ingesting, processing, filing and using or discarding information. Even when we sleep, we are learning. Our subconscious is playing with concepts and ideas and working things out that don't always make it to the forefront of our consciousness.

So why am I writing about this? Because if learning is constantly happening, that means we are affected by every single thing we see, experience, hear, say, touch. Our environments, circumstances and the people surrounding us are shaping us. Constantly. Ergo, every single moment that passes has a profound (and inevitable) effect on our lives and who we are.

Why is this important? Because it means that one must be both aware and intentional about this learning process. Like everything else in life, learning can be good or bad. Since I was unaware of it for a long time, I let a lot of garbage into my mind and my heart. Once I did become aware of it, I thought that the awareness was enough. I left it unguarded, and just drifted through life, aimless, allowing things to just happen.  I thought I was "flexible." I was really just reckless.

The result of all this was me walking around with a head full of knowledge that was doing me no good at all. I had learned so many destructive patterns of thinking and behavior that there was no room left for anything else. I had a trail of destructive relationships with people who were still living rent-free in my head.

I ignorantly thought more learning was the answer. I relentlessly pursued more and more knowledge, thinking if I just learned the "right things" that I would be able to effect a more positive outcome. Um, yeah. That didn't work out so well. This pursuit of knowledge and all the things I learned sure kept my mind busy. But it didn't do diddly to help me get well. In fact, it just made it worse!

Knowledge is power. That's true. But I had to accept that my thirst for knowledge had merely become an attempt to exercise power where I felt powerless. And it wasn't working.

The process of recovery is as much about UNLEARNING as it is learning. I had to unlearn TONS of utter nonsense. As you grow closer to Jesus during the recovery process, He will begin to transform your mind, cleaning it out and replacing the bad stuff with HIS stuff. All the things I thought I knew were WRONG. In fact, all that "learning" was getting in the way of a better life and coming between me and Jesus. So the first year or so in recovery was more about me unlearning everything… And I DO mean everything!

When I began recovery, it was messy and imperfect. And rudimentary! It's funny to me now but at the time, I basically just did the exact opposite of whatever I would have said or done in the past. Literally! If I got up in the morning and went without thinking to my closet and grabbed a black pair of pants, I would stop, then reach for a white pair of shorts instead. I resisted what came naturally to me because I didn't know how to do it any other way!

I wanted to "do something different." But all I had to go on at first was all the wrong information I'd amassed over my lifetime. So my unlearning started out as just doing the opposite of what I knew until I learned enough right stuff to replace it.

God was able to lessen the extremes of this along the way. But the real learning in recovery didn't happen until I was willing to UNLEARN first. When I stopped analyzing everything to death and trying to find an explanation for everything and just started LIVING THE PRINCIPLES of recovery, things started making sense. When I began to actually live the steps and principles of recovery in my day-to-day life, that is when I truly started to change.

My point is this: It takes faith to change. Faith isn't about what you KNOW, it's about what you BELIEVE. And what you are "learning" at every moment is shaping what you believe. Recovery and a true relationship with Jesus isn't a head thing. It's a heart thing… Faith. The craziest thing about faith is that when you are living it, it doesn't FEEL like faith! But every time you take a step that you wouldn't have ordinarily and take Jesus at His word, that is exactly what faith really is. (I had to unlearn that, too.)

Recovery helped me unlearn the things of my past so that I could live in the present and have a future to look forward to. And I choose to try and stay as aware and intentional in the learning as I can. I try my best to take GREAT care in choosing what people are in my life, what circumstances and situations I allow in, and try to channel every single moment of it toward the Lord. Occasionally there are times when I run into some illusion or notion I didn't even know I had, and I have to unlearn it. Then Jesus can teach me something that has real value in my life.

As usual, life and recovery and all of it are what you make of it. Garbage in, garbage out. Or, JESUS in, JESUS out! Don't sit idly by and allow yourself to learn whatever the world or life wants to teach you. Actively participate in the learning process and channel where it goes. Decide what you want to learn, and take steps to make that happen! In most cases, that intentional awareness will require you to see what you need to UNLEARN first!

What things are in your life today that you might need to UNLEARN?

"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward." (Soren Kierkegaard)
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest." (Jesus Christ)

"Turn Our Eyes Away"

This song is hauntingly beautiful. It's by Trent Dabbs, with Ruby Amanfu... To me, it speaks poignantly and honestly of the struggle we all face in life, while leaving a little room for some hope... Ultimately, we all come to a point where we must turn our eyes away from what we have known and from the various paths we've all taken, and look to some One greater than ourselves to save us (since we have zero hope of saving ourselves). I don't have any idea what Trent and Ruby had in mind when they wrote this song, but it's an undeniable fact that what they describe can apply to anyone. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, and that it will inspire you to turn to God today.

I'm a broken soul
I'm an open book 

With many torn out pages
And I walk through fire
But I thirst for truth
For what I've never tasted
And it calls to me again
The comfort of the sin

Turn our eyes away
Turn our eyes away
From this path we've taken
Washing clean our faces
Turn our eyes away
Turn our eyes away
Leaning on the hope that
One day even we
Oh one day even we
Will be saved

I got a war inside
With a flag in hand
I'll wait to cry surrender
While the pride in me
Is fighting who I am
Why is it that I linger?
I guess every man decides
To take or save a life 

Turn our eyes away
Turn our eyes away
From this path we've taken
Washing clean our faces
Turn our eyes away
Turn our eyes away
Leaning on the hope that
One day even we
Oh one day even we
Will be saved

Ohhh

Turn our eyes away
Turn our eyes away
From this path we've taken
Washing clean our faces
Turn our eyes away
Turn our eyes away
Leaning on the hope that
One day even we
Oh one day even we
Will be saved

One day even we
Will be saved

(P.S. Some of you get emails whenever I publish a blog, and if you do, then the video mayn't show up. Here's the link to see it on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xThEAs-K9U)

Pray.

Faith is only as good as the object in which it is placed. Prior to recovery, I'd made a habit of placing my faith in things or in people that let me down. My best thinking, combined with misplaced faith, resulted in a crisis of identity and belief... which led me to doubt God's ability and authority, and my prayers reflected my unbelief.  

There's a saying: Only God can make a tree. The Lord is the Author and Creator of the universe, of time and space and the laws of physics. God created the world simply by speaking. He is the only one who can right wrongs, forgive sin, redeem the lost, heal the hurting, repair brokenness and restore faith and "the years that the locusts have eaten." Only God can bend the rules of time and space and physics; He can do beyond what we can ask or think; He can work miracles and do the impossible. The Lord's ability and authority are omniscient and absolute, yet I prayed as if this were not so. 

My recovery journey led me to ask myself some questions. Some easy, some not so easy—to ask or have answered. But ask them I did, and God literally blew my mind sometimes, especially when I was at my most desperate and too weak to do anything else BUT pray.

I still make a habit of asking myself, and asking God, the hard questions, and it has revolutionized my prayer life—the daily habit of it, how I do it and what I expect to come of it. If you "feel stupid" praying, or don't know how to pray or where to start, ask yourself: What things or people have you given up on? What seems completely impossible to you? What things do you keep coming back to in your life over and over and over again? Pray about THAT! For example:  

• What negative things have you been told about yourself? To what extent do you accept those things as true?
• How do you rebel against those things?
• What do you need from life and relationships that you aren't getting? What do you need from GOD that you aren't getting?
• How is giving your life up to Jesus different from giving your life away to others?
• How is being selfish different from simply being yourself?
• If you never doubted that God's ability and authority are LIMITLESS, and you KNEW that He could do ANYTHING, how would you pray? 
• What would you ask God to do if you KNEW He wouldn't fail? What impossible things and miracles would you ask Him to do for you?

The majority of prayers that we send up are ineffective because we come AT God with pretty phrases and religious platitudes. God wants your most honest, truest soul. Recovery taught me how to TALK WITH God. My "prayers" turned into conversations. Lay it all at His feet with brutal honesty. Don't hold anything back! Keep it REAL. Empty yourself of every single thought and emotion... He's big enough to take it, and what's more, you can't really hide it, yeah? After all, He already knows everything you are thinking and feeling. Has it ever occurred to you that nothing ever occurs to God? 

So just TALK to Him, get it all out and when you've got nothing left... Sit back, keep your mouth shut, and LISTEN. Then watch Him work miracles and do the impossible.

Prayer has TEETH. And prayer is never more powerful than when JESUS does most of the talking.  

You can learn to pray like this! And if you do, I promise, it will re-energize your faith and light a fire under your rear like nothing else can. When you see God start to move your mountains—the ones you thought would be there for the rest of your life—well, that kind of power will fundamentally change a person. Then you will be introduced to a God you only THOUGHT you knew!

Peace be with you.

I'll be on the front porch.

In the beginning, God set about creating the world.

On the first day, God created the dog. He spoke to him and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

        

The dog replied, "That's a long time to be barking! How about cutting it to ten years, and I'll give You back the other ten?" And God saw that it was good.

        

On the second day, God created the monkey. He spoke to him and said, "Entertain people, do tricks and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." 

The monkey replied, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform! Whaddaya say I give You back ten years like the dog did?" Again, God saw that it was good.

        

On the third day, God created the cow. He spoke to him and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." 

The cow replied, "That's an awfully tough life you want me to live for sixty years! Can we make it only twenty years, and I'll give back the other forty?" God agreed that it was good.

        

On the fourth day, God created humans. He spoke to them and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." 

The humans replied, "Only twenty years? That's it? Could You possibly give me my twenty, PLUS the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back? That makes a total of eighty years. Is that okay?" 

God replied, "Okay." He then added, "But remember, you asked for it."

        

This is why we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves for our first twenty years. Then for the next forty, we slave in the sun to support our family, followed by another ten years of doing monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. Then during our remaining ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

        

Life has now been explained to you.

        

(There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I'll be on the front porch.)

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, 

a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh, 

a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

a time to search and a time to give up, 

a time to keep and a time to throw away, 

a time to tear and a time to mend, 

a time to be silent and a time to speak, 

a time to love and a time to hate, 

a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him."

—Ecclesiastes 3:1-14