I'll be on the front porch.

In the beginning, God set about creating the world.

On the first day, God created the dog. He spoke to him and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

        

The dog replied, "That's a long time to be barking! How about cutting it to ten years, and I'll give You back the other ten?" And God saw that it was good.

        

On the second day, God created the monkey. He spoke to him and said, "Entertain people, do tricks and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." 

The monkey replied, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform! Whaddaya say I give You back ten years like the dog did?" Again, God saw that it was good.

        

On the third day, God created the cow. He spoke to him and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." 

The cow replied, "That's an awfully tough life you want me to live for sixty years! Can we make it only twenty years, and I'll give back the other forty?" God agreed that it was good.

        

On the fourth day, God created humans. He spoke to them and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." 

The humans replied, "Only twenty years? That's it? Could You possibly give me my twenty, PLUS the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back? That makes a total of eighty years. Is that okay?" 

God replied, "Okay." He then added, "But remember, you asked for it."

        

This is why we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves for our first twenty years. Then for the next forty, we slave in the sun to support our family, followed by another ten years of doing monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. Then during our remaining ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

        

Life has now been explained to you.

        

(There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I'll be on the front porch.)

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, 

a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh, 

a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

a time to search and a time to give up, 

a time to keep and a time to throw away, 

a time to tear and a time to mend, 

a time to be silent and a time to speak, 

a time to love and a time to hate, 

a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him."

—Ecclesiastes 3:1-14