But our way never works. If it did, there wouldn't be an issue, yeah? "Your best thinking got you here." We tend to think we know best. But recovery isn't about what we KNOW. It comes down to what we are willing to ACCEPT. When we put denial down and choose to accept truth in its totality, and live by it unaltered, we may still hurt or experience unpleasantness. Or we might not! Either way it's a win/win situation because it's REAL. It is through this process where we begin to experience true healing and see God's awesome power. The only way OUT is THROUGH.
Acceptance of... what, exactly? Jesus. Truth. Authenticity. Living honestly in every moment, even if that moment sucks. The fruit of the spirit starts blooming like mad in our lives when we do this. The first step is to ACCEPT that we are broken; that we are not in control; that our lives have become unmanageable and that we are powerless over our tendencies to do the wrong thing. Everyone has a 100% failure rate with "my way." Yet we kept doing it, hoping for a different result each time. That is the very definition of insanity, and the polar opposite of Lordship.
My own "best thinking" started years ago in a dreaded math class, resulting in a mindset and an approach to life that I now affectionately refer to as "Magic Math." I hated math when I was in school. It was harder for me than the other subjects. Teachers would go over the problem: 2 + 2 = 4. Aight, cool. Got it. But it was still hard for me, and I quickly grew bored with things that I didn't understand or couldn't control. Eventually I grew bored with 4. I even copped an attitude with 4. I was sick and tired of 4! I looked around and decided 5 sounded good. I want 5! So I arbitrarily decided that the answer to 2 + 2 would heretofore be FIVE. ("Plaintiff wins!" ::bangs gavel:: "Court is adjourned.")
Next test: 2 + 2 = 5.
Next grade: F!
As if this wasn't already stupid enough, I had the audacity to actually get mad about my grade! The teacher patiently (VERY patiently, now that I think about it) explained that 2 + 2 = 4, and that if I answered 5 I'd fail. But did I learn my lesson? Nope. (What would be the fun in that?!) Instead I kept at my Magic Math. But alas, every time I put 5 down as the answer for 2 + 2, I failed. I'd get mad every time, and I'd get the same response: "The answer to 2 +2 is 4 and it will always be 4. Math is EXACT; it has rules. Just because you don't like the answer doesn't mean you can just make it up or change it to your liking. Then it would cease to be MATH."
True story! (I only wish I was making this up.) Of course I knew that 2 + 2 = 4, I just didn't like it. Clearly I had issues with authority and rules... And if you think I had an attitude with 2 + 2, it got worse when I got to Algebra! Oddly enough, the same rules that apply in basic math apply in more advanced math, and until you accept and understand the basics, you can't do what follows. But I still continued to choose Magic Math.
This epic failure in education spilled over into every area of my life. The problem wasn't that I was stupid—clearly not since I could think through the process and come up with a plan (albeit a bad one). The problem was that I resisted the truth and refused to apply what I knew. The problem was with my CHOICES. I used Magic Math, even though it was wrong, didn't work and resulted in me failing time and time again. But instead of admitting I was wrong, I'd just try even harder at Magic Math! Each time I would study hard, work the problem, go over it with the teacher, think and meditate and evaluate, come up with all these "really good reasons" why 2 + 2 should = 5. I would take the test and turn it in, convinced I just ACED IT! I show up next class proud as a peacock cuz JEN is a math GENIUS! Only my grades clearly demonstrated that "genius" wasn't the most accurate term for my math skills—or my life skills.
As if my failing grades weren't bad enough, my attitude about the whole thing got worse, too. I would be HACKED! And take it out on the teachers, like it was THEIR fault somehow. (Hmmm perhaps I owe a few teachers some amends...?) They'd go over it with me. Again. But I'd just do my Magic Math. Again. And get mad. At THEM. Again. Because somebody was to blame and it certainly couldn't be MY fault for answering 5 to 2 + 2!!!! (Translation: He's a jerk, she started it, I didn't know it would turn out like this... You see where I'm going here?)
One of the absolute worst feelings in the world is to convince yourself that "this time" is different and you are right, only to have everything turn out the same way it always has, despite all your good intentions. It leaves you confused and hopeless. GAH I hate that feeling, don't you? But that's what happens, every time, when you expect 2 + 2 to equal 5. Because it just doesn't! In addition, blaming everyone else for YOUR choices, and getting mad at God because He won't bend the rules for you, is as futile as trying to make 2 + 2 = anything but 4.
Here is what it took me 38 years to get: 2 + 2 = 4. Say it out loud with me: 2 + 2 = 4. Are you getting it? Say it again: 2 + 2 = 4. All together now! 2 + 2 = 4.
To give you an idea of what a stubborn mule I can be, 2 PLUS 2 STILL EQUALLED 4 during THREE SEMESTERS of remedial math in COLLEGE. (Oh yeah, I did! This from a girl with an IQ of 130! Proof that intelligence does NOT equal wisdom... and that college professors are far less forgiving and patient than high school teachers.)
Guess what else? 2 + 2 = 4.
Reminder: 2 + 2 = 4. Always. There is no exception to this, ever. There is no "I before E except after C" rule and no loopholes in the fine print. Whether we like it or not, 2 + 2 = 4. Period. End of story, closed discussion, no take-backs, no crossing your fingers, pencils-down-the-test-is-over. There is no getting around it, under it or through it. 2 + 2 = 4 in spite of how special, privileged or connected you might be. Even if you are deeply offended, 2 + 2 = 4. Your circumstances, your past and your beliefs are irrelevant: 2 + 2 = 4. It's a free country, and you may strongly oppose and vehemently argue for how an exception should be made, and it will not change the fact that 2 + 2 = 4.
Hey, by the way, in case you didn't hear me: 2 + 2 = 4.
POP QUIZ: 2 + 2 = ____? (Is that FOUR, you say? Are you sure...? Is that your Final Answer?) Yep, 2 + 2 = 4, and it will continue to equal 4, every time and for all of eternity. 2 + 2 will NEVER equal 5 or anything else except 4. If the problem is 2 + 2 and you want 5, let me clue you in: that ain't gonna happen with 2 + 2, so you best get prepared for 4.
My point: Math ain't magic. Neither is life! You cannot do the same problem over and over again if you want a different answer, nor can you just change the answer to one you like. THE ONLY WAY to get a different answer is to CHANGE THE EQUATION. 2 + 2 will NEVER be 5... unless... YOU ADD 1!!! See? Now that you've accepted the truth of of 2 + 2, you've done something different. Ergo, NOW you will get a different result. BECAUSE YOU CHANGED THE EQUATION.
You can deny the truth that 2 + 2 = 4, but it won't make it any less true. Truth, like math, is innately unchangeable. It can't be manipulated, tweaked, spun, changed or altered. It is what it is... And if you DO change it in some way, then the premise or idea you were operating under is no longer true. Meaning, if your answer is 5, then whatever equation you worked, you can rest assured that it was NOT 2 + 2.
One more time: 2 + 2 = 4.
Was all that annoying enough for you? Because we can go over it again... (Just kidding.) As annoyed as you are at this moment, imagine how it must have been for ME as I LIVED IT! Imagine how it was for the teacher, who knew the answer and had invested so much time in explaining it, yet had to watch in helpless frustration as a girl with so much intelligence and potential failed repeatedly—not because she didn't KNOW the answer, but because she wouldn't ACCEPT it. (After all, they couldn't take the test for me or MAKE me answer correctly.) Now, if you think it couldn't possibly get MORE annoying, just imagine if I was STILL fighting for 5 as the answer. Worst of all, imagine how it is for the Lord, who loves each and every one of us that He never gives up on us, no matter how many times we deny Him, the ultimate and eternal truth. Or perhaps you don't have to imagine at all because you have your own brand of Magic Math or "best thinking."
Just as 2 + 2 = 4, Knowledge + Application = Wisdom. Wisdom is merely knowledge applied. A person can possess a wealth of knowledge, they can have a genius IQ, but that doesn't make them wise. Speaking from experience, I was one of the dumbest smart people you'll ever come across. You can be the smartest person in the room and you can know everything. But until you actually USE WHAT YOU KNOW and APPLY IT to your life, you are as dumb as anyone else. If that weren't true, then not one of us would ever know a really smart person who's life was a wreck. In addition, it is ONLY through the process of acquiring wisdom that we truly come to know God, which in turn benefits not only ourselves but everyone around us.
Consider, for instance, how different our daily lives are today than, say, a century ago. Why? Because people applied what they knew. As a society, we are constantly seeking answers and pursuing meaning. Our curious natures drive us to ask "Why?" and "How?" We dream of possibilities. Art, science, exploration and discovery all originate with the need to find answers to these questions. Every invention began with a single individual who had an idea trying to solve a problem or express creativity, and in the process gained knowledge and discovered truths that had to be applied for those ideas to become a tangible reality. Without application, those ideas would have remained mere thoughts in one person's mind. But the process of applying what they knew had a real-life effect, both on them and those around them. I don't think anyone would deny that electricity, for example, or running water, cures and treatments for diseases or even the Internet, haven't had a significant impact on our lives. Surely no one would deny that Facebook has changed history. Alexander Graham Bell, for instance, didn't say, "Well golly gee, isn't that nice to know and wouldn't that be neat?" Einstein didn't say, "Hmmm... I wonder if..." and then sit on his batonkus and wonder some more about it. These two men changed history, as did countless other men and women.
Of course I am dramatically oversimplifying here to make a point. My "best thinking" resulted in Magic Math, which resulted in failing grades and then a failing life. Even in the moments when I knew I was wrong, I refused to apply that and piled on with the denial. It was all an unnecessary and futile pursuit, especially when in the end, I had to accept the truth anyway. After exhausting ALL avenues (and I do mean ALL of them!), God was all I had left! I hate that it took me so long to accept what it was ridiculous and counterproductive to resist in the first place. God has SO MUCH MORE for us when we stop going to Him as a Hail Mary pass in the final seconds of the fourth quarter. When we forego the Magic Math mindset, and choose to accept truth and apply what we know, it has an impact on our lives that is ETERNALLY significant. That's much more beneficial than things like electricity, the telephone (and yes, even Facebook!) will ever be.
Magic Math is worthless. Our best thinking is worthless. Only a life connected to God really matters. Once you know the truth, you have to apply that truth. USE it or LOSE it. I'm sure in reading this you were like, OK OK I get it already! But do you really? It's not enough to just KNOW it! If you GET IT then you will LIVE IT.
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