The Tarnished Knight

I wrote this a few years ago, updated it last year... funny how it still holds true even after all this time. I hope it speaks to you. Amen.

THE TARNISHED KNIGHT

I used to believe, like every other little girl, in a white knight on a white horse that would ride into my life, sweep me off my feet and make everything better. He'd love me no matter what I did, how I acted or what I said, and we'd live happily ever after and ride off into the sunset together, hair flowing behind us in the wind, laughing and smiling... Etc., etc.

I've lived a little bit since then. And grown up a LOT.

I don't believe in fairy tales anymore. But I still believe in magic—God magic. I think men suffer from these delusions, too; they are brought up to believe in princesses. But I'm just going to speak from a woman's perspective here. Though I think I the principles behind what I'm saying apply to men as well. That said…

I no longer want a fairy tale. I don't want a plastic, animated or fictional knight; I want a REAL one. I want his horse to be noble and beautiful, yes, but… dirty, covered in grime and burrs in his mane from long, grueling hours of riding over rough terrain. I want his sword stained with blood—evil blood and dragon blood and bad guy blood. I want his armor tarnished, smudged with dents and scars and scratches from defending those he loves. I want his eyes to have that sad kind of smile that's still a smile, but with deep insight behind it. Because that means he's learned lessons, hard ones, the kind only forged in the fires of having to make difficult decisions in the heat of battle—the kind where you win some and lose some and learn to live with the consequences either way… but still, the smile remains because he can rise above it. He can still find humor in spite of pain, which takes a LOT of maturity. I want his heart to be prettier than his face. I want his coat of arms to have meaning behind it, rich with history and responsibility and the ongoing task of facing who he is and dealing with it. His coat of arms, like his eyes, have stories behind them. His medals for bravery and valor have tales of both happiness and sadness behind them.

The kind of knight I am describing has been in battle. He has seen things and felt things and experienced things that don’t always have a fairy tale ending. He knows sad endings as well as happy ones, perhaps even living in a couple of instances with no ending at all... This knight is majestic and regal and magnetic because God has worked on his spirit—and therefore his character is his best trait. The fairy tale knight doesn't get this—he’s merely playing a role, putting on an act, looking the part of a knight but having no clue what it truly means to be one.

Knights still come, just in a different package… instead of a nice, neat package tied up in a pretty little bow, it’s tattered and worn, like an old leather jacket with CHARACTER. The tarnished knights expect you to pull your weight! These are REAL men. They live in the REAL world and expect you to do the same. They are protective without being controlling, loving without being clingy. They inspire and motivate you to be better, but they are forgiving and show grace. They aren’t afraid to be wrong, quick to see their faults and own their mistakes, and say “I’m sorry” when it’s called for without restraint. They are romantic, affectionate and engaged in the relationship without being desperate or wimpy. They DO love you for being you, but expect you to continually improve that you—to fix your issues when you have them and do what needs to be done to be the best you that you can be.

The magic still happens, but it takes two and it takes work. And if you don't pay attention, while you are looking out for white knights you'll miss the tarnished ones, and THEY are the keepers.

I think we as women do men a grave disservice when we expect them to be white knights. It's not fair. We set them up to fail. We expect too much and rely on them too much to make us happy, make us feel worthy and confident when that should be our responsibility. NO ONE can do for us what we can only do for ourselves, and the White Knight Syndrome only perpetuates that. There is a fine balance here, but being totally centered, knowing who you are and being okay with it no matter what the circumstances, is something that we are ALL responsible for.

Let’s be honest here: even if a white knight DID show up, you'd soon tire of him because unless you are okay with who you are, how do you expect anyone else to be? A tarnished knight won’t stand for that. Besides, ANY knight is still a MAN… and men don't like insecure, clingy, needy, overly-emotional, codependent women. A man, knight or not, will never complete you as a person. But he can COMPLEMENT you, and you him—like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together seamlessly. Expecting anything different is just trying to live in a fairy tale, one that will not have the ending for which you are hoping.

White knights aren't worth the trouble, but tarnished ones are. But you have to be worthy of him. The only way to do that is to do the work on yourself—become ok with who you are and the self worth comes. Otherwise, when the tarnished knight shows up, he’ll ride right past you into some other, more worthy woman's arms—if he even notices you at all. And you will have missed out on the kind of true love, deep bond and mutual respect that can only happen with a REAL knight. The fairy tale version doesn’t understand this and couldn't give you no matter how hard he tried if he did get it. Essentially, to capture a tarnished knight’s heart, you must become the best princess you can be.

Cardboard cutouts and bedtimes stories may be nice, but they'll never take the place of REAL men and what they can give you—they're a shockingly poor substitute for a bonafide, real-deal tarnished knight! Tarnished knights seem to be almost extinct in today’s world, too, but that’s no excuse to settle for anything less. And let's face it: it takes a certain kind of woman to even know what I'm talking about right now! If everything I just said is jibberish, too strict or hard core or too whatever to you, then you are one that this man would walk right past. Incidentally, you should RUN, do NOT walk, to the nearest Christian counselor, church, support group or whatever and begin working with a vengeance on your character! Because you won't know this knight if he's standing right in front of you with a blinking red neon sign! Only a unique, special and authentic princess—a true daughter of Christ—will recognize a tarnished knight when she sees one, appreciate what she's got and make him her own. And unless you are that kind of woman, this kind of knight won't give you a second glance... and how sad is that?

In short, a tarnished knight is so tarnished because he loves God and puts Him before everything else—including you. He is tarnished because he has been faithful to walk bravely through the fires that his Lord has seen fit to use to shape who he is. He’s obediently and boldly gone into the battles in which his Lord has sent him, and fight fiercely and ferociously for what is right. Then he’s come home. He wants to share a life with someone, experience things with a partner and a friend. To get that type of mindset always requires some pain, some heartache, a loss of pride and a lot of brokenness, with some hard-learned humility thrown in. It’s a fight. And guess what that does to armor? It tarnishes it—but while the exterior adornment gets dingy and dirty, the interior becomes stronger and more true.

A tarnished knight is infinitely more valuable because the more tarnished his armor is, the whiter, brighter and stronger his spirit shines through. Dingy, dirty tarnish is the new white. :)

Ladies, I know we are all looking for a good man. Just keep in mind what I’ve said… and if your knight shows up all pearly white and squeaky clean, armor shimmering and sparkling in the sunlight, with a well-brushed, gleaming white horse with no filth and grime on him and a shiny, clean sword, you know what to do… FIRE HIS ASS. He’s fake! And go get you a REAL knight!

Verses

• "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
• "The Lord is my strength and my shield ..." (Psalm 28:7)
• "In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul." (Psalm 138:3)
• "O God, You are more awesome than Your holy places. The God of Israel is He who gives strength and power to His people." (Psalm 68:35)
• "He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength." (Isaiah 40:29)
• "For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26)
• "Yet the righteous will hold to his way, and he who has clean hands will be stronger and stronger." (Job 17:9)
• "They shall walk after the Lord. He will roar like a lion. When He roars, then His sons shall come trembling from the west ..." (Hosea 11:10)
• "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." (Proverbs 24:10)