Day 1

Six months ago today, my boyfriend, whom I loved and truly thought I would grow old with, ended our relationship. However many days are in 6 months, that is how long I have been "sober."

But MY definition of sober transcends whatever addictions or hurts, habits and hang-ups you struggle with. For MY definition of sober means to be SOBER MINDED. The Bible tells us somewhere (I suppose I need to get better with addresses, huh?) in the New Testament not to be drunk but to be of SOUND MIND. An addict is anything but of sound mind... however, that doesn't just apply to addicts, now does it? C'mon, be honest, at least with yourself... I promise I won't tell! *wink* Seriously, though, anyone who is hurting or angry or frustrated or bitter or resentful or sad or depressed or tired or scared or offended or... (fill in the blank) has a little bit of unrest going on in their heart and mind. True sobriety isn't the absence of these feelings or thoughts or struggles... True sobriety is a CHOICE, it's an act of will, to overcome the bad and sometimes even the good to get to the truly worthy. I personally don't believe that this is fully possible without Christ. There is honor in the struggle, and the glory goes to the Lord.

So how does one do this, exactly? If recovery is about doing something different and progress not perfection, what does that look like? How does one live it out?

Daily. And right now is Day 1.

At my Friday night CR group, sometimes people give testimonies (I'll be giving one myself in the next several weeks). Whatever the issues addressed in the testimony, you always hear them say, "I've been clean/sober/in recovery (x number) of years." They are proud of it and grateful to the Lord for bringing them that far, as they should be. But a few weeks back, a woman stood up and put it a different way, which I think sums up "one day at a time" pretty damn well. She said, "I've been clean and sober for 26 years... but really, I've just been clean and sober today. By the grace of God, I've had 26 years of TODAY."

That is PROFOUND.

As you get to know me, you discover that my process speed is genetically set to SUH-LOW. I chew on things for a while; it takes me a little minute to think, pray, contemplate things. Those words turned a light bulb on in my subconscious, and I wrote them down in my trusty little silver sparkly notebook I use to journal and take notes at the meetings. I've spent the time since then thinking about this, and I've come to view it as the "Day 1 mentality."

Day 1 is just an extension of "progress, not perfection." It means you can truly deal with today. JUST today. While 26 years of successful recovery is nothing to scoff at, she nailed the key, I think, to recovery, which is what everyone hears referred to as living one day at a time. But even that has become so mundane, so platitudinal, if you will. Plus, to someone like me, who's relatively new at all this, it's kind of intimidating. And for someone who struggles as I do with codependency and love addiction, it's easy to hero worship. To be perfectly frank, I don't think I really believed when I started out on this journey that I could do this. I mean REALLY DO THIS. The desperation to at least try was there, yes. But did I in my heart of hearts really believe I could be any different than I had been for 38 years, that I could really "change my ways" and live a different, successful life? Uh... let me put it like this: NUH UH.

I assumed I'd fail. How sad is that??? But that's why change is SO fearful for most of us, isn't it? Why we procrastinate and deny and excuse and justify and blah blah blah anyway? Because we believe deep down we'll fail. I'm not saying everyone is like this, but I can promise you that in general, an addict, especially one who acted out for a long time, for damn sure struggles with believing that freedom from the chains of bondage addiction controls you in isn't really possible.

People who are starting out in recovery don't do it because they really believe it's possible to "do something different," at least I didn't. I started out because I was desperate, because I was in severe pain, because my past had caught up to me in a real public way, and because I thought I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO LOSE. So why not? The belief that real recovery is truly possible comes with a little time of actually DOING THE WORK. Having a head full of knowledge, bumper-sticker phrases and a gabillion Bible verses you know by heart don't do you a bit of good until you act on it.

Practically speaking, wisdom is knowledge applied. Spiritually speaking, the awesome POWER of God's word doesn't come to life until the believer OBEYS.

"One day at a time" is great, but that particular phraseology implies passivity to me. Perhaps that's just a bias on my part. Either way, I like "Day 1" thinking better. To me that implies a fresh start, a new beginning, an intentional, on purpose, ALIVE and PRESENT way to tackle your life. It implies action. I've been continually surprised at every turn at how active and ongoing recovery really is. The Bible teaches that yesterday's grace is insufficient for today, and now I know what that means!

Day 1 takes the pride out of it... it keeps you humble. It removes the deer-in-headlights feeling when you first start out in recovery and the oh-SH&%-I-screwed-up-again feeling when you have been in a while and falter. It breaks the awesome task of changing one's ENTIRE life down into the bite-sized task of just dealing with right where you are, putting one foot in front of the other and taking one small step. Day 1 levels the playing field: past victories and defeats and the consequences rendered matter, of course, but they don't absolve you of the task or responsibility for what you are going to think, say or do RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I mean, let's face it: floating through life with no purpose or direction, trying to escape from feeling and numb your brain from thinking is what got ya here in the first place, ya know?

Consider the following scenarios:

Day 1: Today my loved ones did an intervention on me (I lost my job/I got arrested/fill in the blank) and I see that my life has fallen apart. I'm sick and I need help... I hate the person I've become. I'm going to get help.

Day 1: Two months ago today, I stopped drinking (smoking/using/sexing/fill in the blank). I can still feel the whisky burn on my lips and the desire to taste just one sip is SO STRONG... But I've made it this far. If I can just get through today...

Day 1: I screwed up BAD... After four months of no coke and no pot (fill in the blank), I got high last night... I feel awful and guilt-stricken... I'm going to a meeting right now... I did that last night but I don't have to do it TODAY.

Day 1: I've been clean and sober for 26 years, by the grace of God. And so far today, I'm still clean and sober.

Day 1: I started out this morning doing ok... this afternoon I messed up bad... I'm starting over right this minute.

Are you starting to get the picture? This thinking is EMPOWERING... it gives you the ability to trust God and to make decisions that will allow you to grow and heal, rather than be swept away by the winds of change, circumstance, feelings and whims.

It's a way to LIVE, and live FREE.

Whether you say Day 1, one day at a time, right now or however you phrase it, just make sure you are making an intentional decision TODAY, RIGHT NOW to rely on the Lord and to make more progress, take another step in your recovery.

What's so cool to me about recovery is that you take the truths and apply them to EVERYTHING in your life, not just the issues or relationships that brought you to recovery in the first place. If we could all live with a Day 1 mentality, in every area of our lives whether we wear the label "addict" or not, think of the incredible things that could be done that are NOT being done because WE AREN'T DOING THEM.

To own this whole concept: I'm thinking of the incredible things that could be done and aren't getting done because I, JENIFER, AM NOT DOING THEM.

(JEN'S words)
Day 1: It's August 19, 2009. Six months ago today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I was devastated; I loved him and truly believed I'd grow old with him. I didn't think I would survive it, but I made a decision that night that February 19, 2009 would be DAY 1 of my NEW LIFE. I decided to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT; to not go down the same paths, make the same choices I always have that I KNOW from over two decades of insanity experience DO NOT WORK. I decided to cling to Christ and take recovery seriously to the point where I excluded all else.

Today, I'm still making that decision. God willing, I'll still make it tomorrow. Today, I can say I am not the person that I used to be, and while I haven't arrived... I'm getting there. Bit by little bit. And today, I can say I'm truly grateful for the lesson I learned through that breakup and for the part it played in the incredible place I'm at now in my life.

Happy Six Months to me!

TODAY: "These are my words, that I've never said before: I think I'm doing ok! I feel like I can face the day, and I can forgive, and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today.'

Dear Lord, thank You SO MUCH for the blessing You have given me of sanity, of peace, of a second chance to get it right or make it right, every single day I get to start anew. None of this is possible without You, yet I know I had a part to play, too... You called, and I answered, and here We stand, Lord, together... WE did it! And We are STILL doing it, as a TEAM. I am thrilled today to be able to say that I'm content, at peace and WELL. Which means I've found true joy that transcends how I FEEL about it, and boy does it feel GOOD!!! Thank you for SIX WHOLE MONTHS of Day 1s, Father! I will rely on and trust in and praise You today. And I thank You for the grace and power you will give me for all other Day 1s I'm blessed enough to receive... whether I have 4 seconds, 4 minutes, 4 days, 4 weeks, 4 months, 4 years or 4 decades of being sober minded, I will always have the next moment in which to change things... I will always have Day 1. Thank You, Lord, and I love You SO MUCH for that! Amen.