Freedom and Independence

There was a time when my entire worldview was rooted in what others thought or felt about me. When I looked in the mirror, I saw whatever others told me was there. Even if I disagreed, I owned their opinions as truth. This led to exhaustion and confusion, since I tried to please everyone and lost who I was in the process.

That approach to life made me a prisoner, and the codependence was so ingrained that I was incapable of making even the tiniest decisions on my own. It also rendered me mute, and the only way I could express anything was to explode in anger. That never turned out well. I didn't understand that by always seeing myself through others' eyes instead of through God's, I was giving away the power over my mind and my life to people who couldn't be trusted with it. My every thought, word or choice was merely a reaction to someone else's opinion, yet I was convinced I was nobody's puppet.  

As you can imagine, that led to heartache so deep that it was hard to breathe or think, and not just for me. My unwillingness to deal with reality cost those I love a great deal as well. And that just wasn't fair.

God wants us to have faith in Him and Him alone. He will and does provide all things, including a way out of a bad or dangerous situation. But we have to be willing to walk through that door when it opens. Faith, trust in the Lord and obedience are essential to freedom and independence. And Celebrate Recovery gave me the practical tools to walk that faith out and to practice trust in and obedience to God on a daily basis, and as a result, my whole life changed.

Today, my freedom and independence no longer depend on acts of defiance or confrontation. They depend solely on my own attitudes and feelings, which are continually submitted to and led by Christ. If I am always reacting, then I am never free.

This is why I am vehemently unwilling to go back to the way it was. I'm doggedly determined not to let anyone into my life who thrives on conflict and domination, and insists on being in control of everything and everyone. Because that personality ABSORBS people. They want access and control to every single corner and surface of your life. These people have a script, and your job is to read from it, word for word, with no inflection, no reaction, and definitely without question! Cracking the door even the tiniest bit for such an individual paves the way for that person to consume you, and once they get a foothold, they OWN you—and that makes you a hostage, not a friend. They say they want love and are all about loving you. What they really want is a slave who will be subject to their every whim, and what's more, they will believe wholeheartedly that you owe them that.

No one deserves to live like that. No one deserves to be treated that way. But living freely and independently are totally up to you. People like this are totally unable to TAKE your power. It can only be gained and used if you give it to them.

The only way to keep your freedom and independence, and to prevent someone like this from getting a stranglehold on your life, is to stick close to Jesus. You must be dedicated at every moment to reality at all costs. You have to take responsibility for yourself and your choices. Otherwise, you are a prime target for the kind of person who is too scared to be a real person on his or her own, and they will set it up so they can live vicariously through you.

I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned, the gifts I was given through such relationships, and the freedom and independence I now have that those relationships are over. Praise Jesus!