Live in front of people.

I think Christians do a monumental disservice to themselves and to those around them when they hide. 

Some of you aren't quite sure what this means. The rest of you know exactly what I'm talking about. 

I believe Jesus was the most authentic person who ever lived. He's certainly the one true God, and the time He spent as humanity was done so well that to me, it leaves no room for doubt about what the standard is.

Although He felt every human emotion and thought every human thought, Jesus' execution in the game of life was perfect. I believe this is because Jesus was real. He did not pretend. He owned His emotions, confessed them and His thoughts to God, and acted accordingly. Everything He did was in love, in truth and by the Spirit.

We are never going to be perfect as human beings. We are never going to be anything we should or want to be outside of the Lord. It's just not possible. I think the rub is when we expect ourselves to be perfect or kill ourselves trying to attain that standard knowing in our deepest places that it's not possible. And that is where hope begins to die. 

Then, because we don't want to admit defeat or be judged, or have someone else tell us what to do... we hide. Our lives may be blowing up in our faces, the pieces falling apart all around us. Yet instead of just saying, "I'm DYING HERE!" we say instead, "Oh, I'm fine! Everything is great!" Maybe it feels safer in that moment. Or perhaps we just do not want to get into it... Whatever the reason, we hide. We go with "I am fine" even when those asking can clearly see that's not true, and even when we know they know... we hide. 

I believe this leads to us having expectations of others that are unfair, unrealistic, and--quite frankly--irresponsible. When you don't take onus in your own life, it only leads to an increased criticism of other people. Because when we can't (or won't) control what's going on in our own lives, we try to control others. 

How's that workin' for ya? 

I used to be SO GOOD at hiding. I made it an art form. I achieved the greatest success one can in this endeavor: I hid in plain sight. I stood in front of hundreds and thousands of people, proclaiming truth while living by a lie. I shouted from the rafters about how everyone should make Christ Lord of their lives when I kept lordship of my own. I gave all kinds of fantastic advice that I wasn't taking. 

It wasn't that I was lying; I wasn't. I told them the truth. And it wasn't that I didn't believe; I did. The problem was in the gap between what I knew to be true and my ability to live that out in the manner I felt I was "supposed to" as a "Christian." I was afraid of not being perfect, of falling short, of not measuring up to the expectations of others. Not because I didn't try, but because I didn't trust. The expectations and approval I should have been concerned with were the Lord's, and if I'd known Him then like I know Him now, I would have realized that there was no possible way for me to live truth outside of Him. I was so afraid of failure and inadequacy that I practically guaranteed both. I never intended to be a hypocrite. But that's what I was until I stopped hiding... from God and from myself.

Hiding is infinitely painful. In order to do it effectively I had to lie to myself, and over time I got so good at it that I could look into the mirror and see what I wanted to see. Ergo, it made it incredibly easy to show that facade to others. I didn't really have to try that hard. My pat answer for everything was, "I am fine." I could not take any kind of criticism. I could not be wrong. I was afraid all the time and hyper-suspicious of anyone who tried to show me friendship or true kindness. "I am fine" became my mantra just like Dori's was "just keep swimming."

Then Jesus brought me to Celebrate Recovery. Here I learned to tell myself the truth, but gently and in love. He made it safe for me to be honest, first with the Lord and then with others who were having the same issue. I'd spent so long wanting so desperately to be something I was terrified I couldn't ever be. That fear led to me pretending. I figured, fake it 'til ya make it, yeah? Except it didn't work. I turned into a shell of a person, talking out loud but living in secret. 

The Bible teaches us that we are only as sick as our secrets. If this is true (and it is) then no one ever gets anywhere by hiding. The freedom that Jesus Christ gives us is beyond measure. You don't have to pretend anymore to be someone you aren't because He makes you the person you are supposed to be. You don't have to do anything except trust and obey. In the end, dear friends, we do NOTHING. Christ does the work in you and through you... and you end up being more than you ever possibly imagined or wanted.

So if you want to stop hiding, and you want to stop pretending to be authentic and actually BE authentic, then I cannot stress this enough: Live in front of people. Live in front of people. 

This means trading in "I'm fine" for the truth. You don't have to explain every little detail to people. You just have to say, "God isn't finished with me yet." So you aren't fine... so what?! Do you think THEY are fine? So let them see! Let them see the good, the bad, the ugly, the weak, the strong, the conflicted, the terrible. This does not mean you live FOR others. It just means you live out loud. You will be judged, but you are being judged anyway. People will think things that aren't really true, but they think that anyway. Your honesty might make people mad, but that isn't on you, nor is it any of your business. Saying "I'm fine" when you aren't rarely fools people. It certainly doesn't fool God! He sees all your faults and issues anyway, and most of the time others do, too! So stop pretending. Stop hiding! 

Be who you are. All the time. In any given moment on any given day, be who you are. You don't have to be afraid of it. It will get messy, because life is just that way. It won't always be pretty. You won't always get it right, but you won't always get it wrong, either. Hypocrisy is not rooted in the gap between God's standard and how well we perform against that standard. Hypocrisy is rooted in denying that gap is there and trying to hide it from God and from others. Ergo, the antidote to hypocrisy is in admitting to that gap and trusting God to work it out as you obey. 

If you LIVE instead of hiding, it automatically and instantly doubles your chances for success in life and in all you undertake. Why? Because you are no longer invested in keeping up pretenses. If the truth is out, then the jig is up! Which means you don't have to be afraid, and hiding is no longer necessary. Your time and resources are freed up to pursue life, love and truth in reality, as they come, one day at a time. You get to the heart of it all much quicker if you aren't wasting time on things that aren't true and don't matter.

Here's the raw truth: The people around you will get WAY more out of watching you face, confront and work through a problem or conflict than if you pretend it isn't there. And so will you. They won't always like it, and they may give you a hard time about it. But they'll have to respect it. And in the end, you will respect yourself. There is no comparable measure for how incredible that feels, especially because it's not based on "they" but on "us" -- meaning, "me and God." And "they" can never take that away from you. 

No matter where you are, no matter what's going on, no matter how you feel or what is happening, good or bad... As best you can, try to stay in touch with where you are and who you are according to the LORD's leading and definition. If you go where HE says to go, then you will always be in the right place. If you obey Him and trust in who HE says you are, then you will always be the right person.

Ironically, all the things that are right and wonderful about you are not your gifts. Your greatest gifts, and mine, are the things that are wrong with you and, when those things are totally surrendered to the Lord, what He does with them for His own glory and to make us more like Him. The old adage is true: we learn more and grow more from our failures than our victories. In fact, one cannot truly be victorious unless one has first failed. And giving those failures to Christ changes the game! By all means, give God ALL of the glory when things are great and wonderful. But surrender the failures, too. When you give Christ all the things that do not work, do not fit in, do not blend, He will turn all of that into the very things that make you different and unique, that make you YOU. Only Christ can do this, and allowing Him to do so is your gift to Him and to the world around you.

THAT, my friends, is what it truly means to be a Christian! And what it means to be a balanced, well-rounded, ALIVE person… To live in front of people and allow them to see what only God can do with a life lived openly for and in Him.

One of the greatest things about life post-recovery that I get the most satisfaction out of is the continual opportunity for that emotional and cleansing exercise... Because I no longer pretend, I am no longer afraid. My life is lived as a string of moments, and sometimes those moments suck, quite frankly. But they are real, and every single one of them are learning experiences and building blocks that move me along in the right direction. Sometimes I enjoy the process, sometimes I don't. But I always consider that exercise to be a priceless investment in Christ, in life, in my family and in myself, one that produces true emotion, true thought, and a life that isn't perfect but is very much worth living.