Grumpy? Or Grateful?

From today's "Courage to Change" (August 30)

Normally my Sponsor would recommend a gratitude list when I felt low, but one day, when I complained about a family situation, he suggested I list all the things I was unhappy about. Several days later my depression had passed, and when I told my Sponsor about the terrific day I was having, he suggested a gratitude list. He thought it might help me to refer to it the next time I felt blue. That made sense to me, so I complied.

When I went to put this new list in the drawer where I keep my papers, I noticed the earlier list and read it once more. To my surprise, my list of grievances was almost identical to my gratitude list--the same people, same house, same life. NOTHING ABOUT MY CIRCUMSTANCES HAD CHANGED EXCEPT THE WAY I FELT ABOUT THEM. For the first time I truly understood how much my attitude dictates the way I experience the world.

Today's Reminder: Today I recognize how powerful my mind can be. I can't always feel good, and I have no interest in whitewashing my difficulties by pasting a smile on my face. But I can recognize that I am constantly making choices about how I perceive my world. With the help of Al-Anon (recovery) and my friends in the fellowship, I can make those choices more consciously and more actively than ever before.

"Change your thoughts and you change your world." 
(Norman Vincent Peale)

I mean, really. I don't think I need to say anymore, do I? This pretty much speaks for itself. Try, just for today, to have an Attitude of Gratitude. See what comes of it. If your day is sucking already, what do ya have to lose?!? I myself am constantly astonished at how very different I truly am now from who I used to be, inside and out, although not a lot about my circumstances has changed. My heart has, though, and my spirit and my view of the Lord, of myself and of the world around me. A new attitude is like painting a drab white room with a bold and vibrant new color that raises your spirits and makes you sing! You know what I'm talking about... Like going outside on a gorgeous sunny day when there's a breeze and the day is full of hope and promise.

You can have this, too. If you don't like who you are, how you feel, where you're at or what you are doing... CHANGE YOUR MIND. Don't be grumpy. Be GRATEFUL instead!

• What things are you being a right little grump about that you know you need to let go of?
• Who do you need to forgive, whether they deserve it or not? 
• What do you most thank God for? What do you NEED to thank Him for that perhaps you've forgotten?
• What things would be on your gratitude list today? How similar are those items to those on your gripe list?
• What is it that you are holding onto SO TIGHTLY that it's keeping you from having a good attitude and experiencing true freedom? (And I know there's something... we all have one!)
• Last, but certainly not least... Do you KNOW that your success in recovery, in life, in love, in every single thing you do, all comes down to HOW YOU THINK?!? Do you know it and believe it? If not, then get widdit, home slice! You are burnin' daylight.

Lord, thank you for every single thing in my life--the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. Help me to be grateful for all of it, because You work in ALL things for the good of those who are called to You in Christ Jesus. Help me turn my GRIPES into GRATITUDE! AMEN!

Questions... and Answers

I was 14 years old when I "got saved." Three months after my salvation experience, I was raped--this is how I lost my virginity--and I blamed God, like so many others do when things go wrong. I mistakenly believed that now that I was a "Christian," I would no longer have any problems. I was wrong. God never promised us a life without issues. He only promised that we wouldn't ever be alone or be given anything more than we could handle. It would be many years before I learned this lesson in a way that would make a real difference in my day-to-day living.

In my anger over what had happened to me, I wanted to punish God and decided I didn't need a God who would let something so horrible happen to a young girl. I went on and lived my life the way I saw fit, only that didn't work out too well. Ten years later, at age 24, the events of my life occurred in such a way to bring me to the realization that I had believed erroneously about the Lord, and that I needed to rededicate my life to Him. Which I did. But I still harbored some misconceptions about Christ and my part in this play called Life, and these misconceptions were not made real to me until the events that brought me to Celebrate Recovery.

I know now that there is a reason for everything that happens to us, and I know that God is there. His heart is the first to break when bad things happen to His children. It took me a long time to own up to my part in all of it, since I thought I was entitled to better things. But those better things didn't happen until I was ready to take responsibility for my life and my choices. It was in this surrender to God and to the Truth that opened the door to my freedom. Yet I'd be lying if I said that sometimes those questions don't linger... especially on the days that are harder than others.

I can't pretend to understand why God allows certain things to happen, or why He allows such pain to be a part of our lives. I can't explain it and all I know is that it's a good thing I'm not in charge. I tried that and it blew up in my face. I still don't understand it all, but what I do know is that the mistake I was making, at least in part, was trusting in my own view of who I THOUGHT God was and what I thought He should be doing instead of allowing Him to show me who He really is. I was waiting on answers to questions I wasn't sure how to even ask. 

It's fine to want answers to your questions. But we aren't promised that. We don't have to understand or know to obey God. When I get past my immaturity and trust in God's character, and trust that He always has my best interests at heart instead of these answers I think I'm entitled to, I find I can move past the questions to find a peace that transcends anything my finite little brain can really understand.

Some days are so filled with sadness that I can barely stand it. Some days I can feel the presence of sadness so deep in my soul that it feels like I'm suffocating. These are the moments when trusting God become essential to survival and to living a REAL life. When sadness and pain are looming over me like a dark storm cloud, I try to get past wanting to understand my circumstances or the why of this or that, and try instead to understand God Himself. Then, and only then, do things have a way of working themselves out. Maybe I'll get it or maybe I won't. But answers like I would like to have them aren't a prerequisite for peace and contentment in my life. 

Let's say for the sake of argument that God told us the things we think we want to know at the moment we ask. Frankly, I'm not certain I would really believe Him. There are things that have happened to me that, at the time they were occurring, if God or anyone else had told me how it was all going to work out, I'd have called them crazy and probably chosen a different path that would have led to results I might not like as much. 

I guess what I'm saying is that God doesn't keep secrets from us. He knows us intimately and far better than we know ourselves. He knows the exact number of hairs on our head, what we are thinking or feeling at any given moment, and what's more, He knows our future... He already knows everything that's going to happen, how we are going to feel about it, what we are going to think and what we are going to choose, and how it's all going to turn out. If He pulled up a chair in front of the fire and told me all of it, I probably just wouldn't believe Him. You probably wouldn't either. 

It's not wrong for us to have questions. What's wrong is when we think we are entitled to answers that we wouldn't own if we were given them. God is bigger than our questions, He encourages us asking them because He is big enough to take it. 

Jesus Christ is the answer to every question that has ever been asked, no matter how great or small the question. What's more, He is the only way to move beyond those questions. It's called FAITH. If you scour the Bible for how the heroes lived, every single last one of them had questions. Yet every single last one of them were required to move beyond those questions and trust in the One who created them. Every single last one of them were required to use faith in situations that were bigger than they were, where mere reason just wouldn't cut it. 

At the end of the day, each of us has to decide what's more important: answers, or Christ. You will know you are on the right path with God when you choose Christ, because you know that with faith and obedience, in time, the answers will come... and by the time you get answers, they won't matter near as much to you as Christ Himself does.

Lord, I ask that you help me move past my questions to The Answer: YOU. Please help me not to let my pain or my sadness or my unbelief keep me from knowing you and obeying you. I ask that you quiet my heart and solidify my spirit in such a way that allows me to live well and in You despite my questions, and to know that the answers will come in Your time, not mine. Amen.