Life Lessons

Regina Brett’s 45 Life Lessons (and 5 to grow on)

by Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer

May 28, 2006

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

A Prayer

ADDENDUM (07/16/2010)

When I posted this, I was discouraged... But God made it clear He wanted me to keep writing. I just thought I'd have to suck it up and deal with the persecution, you know? 

Then the Lord blessed me when I was immediately INUNDATED with dozens of messages in various forms from all these people that I didn't even know knew this blog existed, much less followed it. They all said the same thing: thank you, Jesus is using you, please don't stop writing and sharing, you help me so much and I only wish you would write more... You can imagine how moved I was... So I want to personally thank each and every individual who acted upon God's nudge to say something at the moment you did! Wow, I was not only encouraged, I was ENERGIZED! 

Just so y'all know, sharing my thoughts, hearing yours, answering questions and praying for all of you helps ME more than it does you! May Jesus bless and keep you all!


"I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ." (Philemon 1:6)  

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Galatians 6:7-10 says, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."


I've always thought of this in a negative context. You know: KARMA! (Fear the reaper, etc.) You sow bad seeds, you get crap crops. But I forget, since sadly it's easier to go negative quickly, that balance is in and all throughout scripture. Ergo, the opposite is true, too! If you reap well, you sow well. Either way, make no mistake: God will not be mocked! 


Today the meaning for me in this is that when I get discouraged, when I come under attack, or when I just flat feel like giving up... I will cling to Christ and let Him build me back up so I don't grow weary in doing good or speaking truth, or in doing good to ALL people... whether they deserve it or not. It is God who works to bring justice and harmony about, and it's simply my job to obey. 


God has truly blessed me in my recovery journey and given me many gifts I never imagined I would have. True recovery is about being fully healed and made anew through the saving and healing power of Christ. But you have to approach recovery that way and sow those types of seeds in order to reap those specific benefits from it... after all, you get out of it what you put into it. The Lord has brought me a long way and given me so many gifts... among the most precious being a NEW heart, a RIGHTEOUS spirit and a CLEAN CONSCIENCE!


But sometimes there are still consequences to decisions from the past that your new life and new heart can't protect you from... and if your heart is right, you shouldn't expect that. I don't! I can face whatever comes my way because no matter who comes against me for whatever reasons (especially if they are unfounded!), GOD IS FOR ME. Period. End of discussion.


Part of what has kept me going in difficult times or in conflict (which I still loathe, by the way, lol) has been the promise that God restores to us all that we've lost, in HIS time and in HIS way. What a promise, eh? Because we don't deserve that! But out of His abundant love, He does this for us.


However, not everyone gets on board with it... some people, no matter what you do, how much you change or how well you do, will not accept it. In fact, they don't even have to know you to attack you. For whatever reasons, your life runs up against their agenda, and BAM you get it right in the kisser. 


I knew at some point after turning my life around I'd run into people who just don't get it. You'd be surprised how many folks really don't want you to succeed. They want you to fail, and if not that then to at least to shut up and stop talking about Jesus and all He has done because it just makes THEM LOOK BAD. So when the world begins to see a change in you, don't expect applause! In fact it's astounding how, the better you do and the closer you get to Jesus, the worse the attacks come, the more unwarranted they are... because in my experience, people hate truth and reality more than they do YOU. They mock what they don't understand, attack what they fear and blame others for their own shortcomings and mistakes. They'll come after you and do all they can to put you down and shut you up. Because if they can make YOU look bad, then no one can see THEM. And expending all their energy attacking you is a nice little diversion from them having to look in the mirror. How do I know this? Because I used to be THE MASTER at it!


Jesus had to undergo much worse than we do. So I keep that in mind and when I face these folks, I try to pray immediately, realize that their issue isn't actually with ME, it's with the truth and the Lord, forgive them... and just keep my eyes on Jesus and tell myself, HE knows me, HE knows what's real and those that truly matter know, too. I've become the work of God. The rest just isn't relevant.


Ergo... I'm putting all those "haters" on notice: I will NOT shut up, I will NOT back down... I don't even have to fight back! Because God is for me, He totally has my back. 


It's funny... I thought I'd be angry, you know? I remember thinking, wow, if anyone comes at me, I'll show them! Yet the opposite is true, oddly enough. The harder they come, the more pity for them I feel... Because I used to be that person... full of hate, running from the truth, wishing my life away and hurting people I love, making excuses for my irrationality and vile, hateful behavior, blaming everyone else for my problems and attacking people I didn't even know. Why??? Because I felt threatened. Because I had to feel superior and put others down in order to feel strong. Because if someone had something I thought I wanted, I had to neutralize the perceived threat through manipulation, attack or destruction. It didn't matter if they were guilty or if I was right. Never mind that deep down I just didn't want to lose! I didn't know any different... and so I acted like a fruit loop.  


I'm telling you, that kind of life is no life at all. It's a pathetic, sad, tragic, utterly insane way to live. Thank you, Jesus, from saving me from that!


Now I try to pray first when I come under attack. I pray for the person who's taking it out on me, and remember that I used to do the same thing... I'm not saying it's always "turn the other cheek." What I AM saying is that as the Lord's special princess (smile!) I can have my opinions all day long but I must leave the judgement up to the Lord. It's my job to forgive... that was a commandment, not a suggestion! I am to pray and show mercy, grace and compassion at all times unless otherwise called to do so, and that type of action is to be solely determined by God. It's not always easy, but I do it. Because I love Jesus. And because I remember what it was like to have a heart full of hate and a mind full of excuses and lies. I am so ashamed of the things I said and did when I was sick, of the things I did to hurt everyone, from total strangers to those I claimed to love. I am ashamed of all the evil I said and did in the name of "love" or in "doing the right thing." What a load of horsepucky. I knew what I was doing, deep down, even if I didn't want to acknowledge it. I made a LOT of mistakes in my sad attempts at control. It is heartbreaking to live through.


It's even MORE heartbreaking to witness.  


The Bible says, "He who walks in integrity walks securely." I know what I am responsible for in front of the Lord; my conscience is clear and my spirit is at peace. I pray that God will ease the troubled hearts of those who are so hurt they attack for no reason.


Dear Jesus, I pray for all those who are so desperately searching for peace and screwing up left and right along the way, just like I did and still do! I pray now that You will bring all those who need it to that place of peace and quiet their troubled minds. I pray You will stop them in their tracks of destruction before they sow more ugliness that they'll only regret later when they reap those consequences. Help them to REALLY see and feel You there, Lord, to know that You love them, no matter what!Just I thank you once again for Your forgiveness of my mistakes, as I pray for and forgive those who make mistakes that are intended to hurt me. And I thank You for the good and perfect work I know is underway even as I write this, both in my life and in the lives of all those who are hurting. 


You rock, Jesus! Amen.